Most women I know struggle to be their own best friend. Why is that?
The way we were disciplined is the way we will discipline ourselves.”
This is by no means a ‘parent-blaming’ statement. I believe parents can only parent to the extent they have the skills, knowledge and self-awareness to not pass on hurts from one generation to the next. Every generation has its challenges and traumas to deal with and the repercussions of these are felt in the lives of the next generation. So, if you were raised with criticism and perfectionism, that will be the way you will be looking at yourself. If you were raised with fear and self-doubt it will influence your perception of yourself.
The social context we grow up in also plays a huge role in the stories/messages we believe about ourselves.
If our context was a conservative one where women’s bodies were seen as a stumbling block for men, it will have an impact on our relationship with our bodies.
If you were raised in the 1980s when aerobics and jumping around in leotards were the norm, you might have some leftover memories of not fitting in or succeeding to portray the ‘ideal’ image of a fit woman of those days.
If you were socialised to always be concerned with how your hair and make-up look, you might struggle with the ageing process and you might not want to look at yourself in the mirror if your hair is no longer as thick as it used to be, or you are noticing silver streaks appearing.
The yardstick you are using to measure yourself might be a tool of oppression.
Have you ever considered that the ‘system’ was designed to keep women inferior and small and concerned with the things that are of less importance like
- the way they look,
- the physical circumstances they find themselves in or
- the extent to which they ‘succeed’ at parenting and
- being the ‘perfect’ partner
- their career successes and failures
I want to challenge women,
- let’s learn the practice of self-compassion and grace for ourselves.
- let’s get to know our needs (what makes us feel happy content and fulfilled) so that we can find ways to get them met.
Let’s become our own best friends.