It is like putting on your oxygen mask first
In a world that often emphasizes the importance of togetherness and unity, the idea of “Me before We” might sound counterintuitive at first. After all, aren’t relationships supposed to be about compromise and prioritizing the other person? This is certainly what I thought for a long time in my life. Now I believe the principle of “Me before We” serves as a reminder that the health of any relationship starts with the health of the individuals within it.
The Core of “Me Before We”
At its heart, “Me before We” isn’t about selfishness or neglecting others; it’s about cultivating self-awareness, self-respect, and self-care. Healthy relationships thrive when individuals enter them as confident, and self-fulfilled beings. When we rely solely on others for validation, happiness, or fulfilment, relationships become imbalanced and strained under the weight of unrealistic expectations.
By focusing on “Me before We,” we acknowledge that healthy relationships start with healthy individuals. It means taking the time to understand your own needs, values, and boundaries, and ensuring that you are emotionally and mentally equipped to contribute positively to the relationship.
Why “Me Before We” Matters
- Emotional Independence: When you prioritize personal growth and self-care, you cultivate emotional independence. This reduces the risk of codependence, where one’s happiness and sense of self-worth depend entirely on others. Emotional independence fosters relationships based on mutual support rather than neediness.
- Clarity in Communication: Knowing yourself well helps you articulate your thoughts, feelings, and needs more clearly. This clarity enhances communication, which is a cornerstone of any successful relationship.
- Respecting Boundaries: When you take care of your own needs first, you’re better equipped to respect and honor the boundaries of the people in your life. Boundaries are essential for maintaining individuality within relationships. It is like putting on your oxygen mask first…
- Setting an Example: Practicing self-care and self-respect can inspire others to do the same. Relationships where individuals prioritize their well-being are more likely to flourish.
- Practical Steps to Embrace “Me Before We”
- Invest in Personal Growth: Pursue hobbies, interests, and passions that bring you joy and fulfillment outside the relationship. This ensures that your sense of identity isn’t solely tied to being a partner.
- Practice Self-Care: Prioritize physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Whether it’s through exercise, meditation, therapy, or simply taking time to relax, self-care is crucial.
- Reflect on Your Values: Take the time to understand what you stand for, what you want in life, and what your non-negotiables are in a relationship. This self-awareness helps guide your actions and decisions.
- Communicate Your Needs: Openly express your feelings and boundaries with your partner. A healthy “Me before We” approach involves honest and respectful communication. I teach Compassionate Communication skills (based on the work of Marshal Rosenburg’s Non-violent communication) because it changed my life and provided me with tools to communicate with clarity. If you want to learn more, Join me for a 30-minute free Compassionate Communication exploration session.
The Balance Between Me and We
While “Me before We” underscores the importance of individuality, it doesn’t mean neglecting the “We” aspect of relationships. The key lies in balance. Thriving relationships require effort and collaboration between individuals who take responsibility for their personal well-being. When we practice “Me before We,” we support each other’s growth, celebrate each other’s individuality, and build relationships rooted in mutual respect and understanding.
Final Thoughts
“Me before We” is not a rejection of togetherness, but an affirmation that the foundation of a healthy relationship starts with the individual. It’s about nurturing your own happiness, dreams, and well-being so that you can share them with your partner. In the end, the strongest “We” is built on the shoulders of thriving “Me’s”.