Five Approaches to Conflict Management
All conflicts are not equal, depending on how much assertiveness and collaboration are required to manage a conflict. The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Model, developed by Kenneth W. Thomas and Ralph H. Kilmann, identifies five primary approaches to conflict management, based on two key dimensions:
- Assertiveness: the extent to which an individual attempts to satisfy their own concerns.
- Cooperativeness: the extent to which an individual attempts to satisfy the concerns of others.
following is a description of the five conflict management modes with an example of how they can be applied to manage conflict within families.
The five conflict-management modes are:
Competing – High assertiveness, low cooperativeness
Prioritizing one’s own concerns over others, often used in situations requiring quick, decisive action.
Example: A teenager wants to drive to a friend’s house but does not have a driver’s license. The parent uses the competing mode to manage this conflict because there is a safety concern, and the parents’ concern takes priority over the teenager’s. A firm boundary is set, and a pre-negotiated consequence for driving without a license is determined.
Collaborating – High assertiveness, high cooperativeness
Working together to find a solution that fully satisfies both parties.
Example: Spouses negotiate the family budget and collaborate on determining high priority items on the budget and what strategies will be used in determining how money is spent.
Compromising – Moderate assertiveness, moderate cooperativeness
Finding a middle ground that partially satisfies both sides.
Example: Imagine a family is deciding where to go on vacation. The parents want a relaxing beach getaway, while the kids prefer an adventurous theme park. The family balances both interests. They agree to split the vacation: spending a few days at the beach and a few days at the theme park.
Avoiding – Low assertiveness, low cooperativeness
Ignoring or postponing conflict when the issue is trivial or when confrontation may cause more harm than good.
Example: Two relatives hold different political opinions, but they decide not to engage in discussions about politics during a family gathering. It is important for them to avoid conflict and maintain the peace.
Accommodating – Low assertiveness, high cooperativeness
Prioritizing the concerns of others over one’s own, often used to maintain relationships.
Example: Two siblings share a bedroom. One is an early riser and likes to wake up at 6 AM, while the other is a night owl who enjoys staying up late reading. Instead of insisting on keeping the light on at night, the one sibling chooses to accommodate their sibling’s need for rest and moves to another space to avoid disturbing them.
Next time you experience conflict, consider how much assertiveness and collaboration the situation requires.
